Where are all my pregnant ladies at? I know there are a lot of you out there – and I know there are SO many things that I think about/have thought about that has most likely crossed your mind too. Cos pregnancy is FAB right? So many changes happening to your body, mind, emotions .. it’s only normal for our heads to wander and think certain things right? I can 100% say all the below have crossed my mind at one point – and I’m sure the same will apply to some of you. And if you’re not pregnant – hope these make you giggle a little bit.
‘I have just peed – why the HELL does my bladder still feel full ?!’
And of course – we get this feeling in full force at 3am in the morning. And no matter how much you want to just stay in bed, the niggling thought that you may wet the bed is too much and you HAVE to get up and go to the loo again.. only to pee out a trickle. Nice.
‘Speaking of weeing – I don’t seem to be in full control of my bladder anymore… sneeze, laugh, or move too suddenly…’
Unfortunately, with so much pressure on your bladder and the massive hormone changes in your body, stress incontinence is something a lot of pregnant women have to deal with – and occasionally a little leakage DOES happen. Wonderful.
‘Will my boobs ever go back to normal?’
Shape, size, colour, texture – who knows?!
‘It’s 8am in the morning WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE HEARTBURN?!’
The joys of heartburn – all you’ve had is a piece of toast with a teeny bit of butter and your chest is already on fire. In fact – it feels like your baby is pushing burning hot acid up your throat. Thanks hun.
‘Wow I didn’t realise I could sweat THERE too’
Pregnancy makes you warm. REALLY warm – and you sweat in the weirdest places. You’re getting bigger by the day, and of course it’s those pesky hormones again making your body feel warmer than usual. Stick to light, breathable fabrics and wear layers instead of chunky knits to avoid TOO much sweating.
‘I swear if someone asks me how many are in there ONE MORE TIME….’
Is it because I’m huge? Am I walking funny ? Did I really grow THAT much from when you last saw me? It takes all your patience to not say anything back.. and instead smile and nod. Smile and nod. Or if it’s later on in pregnancy and you’re getting fed up, just tell them to f***off.
‘Does this baby want to actually RUIN my insides?!’
How much damage can a tiny little thing actually cause ? You feel battered and bruised and you wonder how baby has that much STRENGTH when they are SO TINY.
‘When did rolling over in bed become SUCH a workout?’
I swear it takes at least a couple of minutes to mentally prepare yourself to roll over. Then once you have, you’re still not comfortable and have to do the whole thing AGAIN.
‘I wonder if people will notice that I have already worn this?’
Because when you get to a stage, there are only CERTAIN things that you feel comfortable in to wear all day. And why it is not acceptable for pregnant women to wear PJ’s in public yet is beyond me.
‘Have to remember to pack more pantyliners.’
Yep. Gotta love ’em. Enough said.
‘Shit did I lock the door? Did I put on deodorant this morning?! Why is there orange juice in my cereal? Where have I parked my car at work?!’
Yes – all of the above are things that I have thought, because it’s true – pregnancy DOES make you forgetful. I noticed this starting around 25 weeks, and I honestly felt like I was getting slightly dopey. Blame it on baby brain guys.
‘I wonder how many times I have actually burped/farted today?’
You genuinely lose count. It’s that many times. You’re pregnant – nobody is allowed to judge you.
‘How has it become so hard to SHAVE!?’
Because you’ve got a big massive bump covering EVERYTHING and making it hard to bend over. And it’s 100% your own personal choice what you do – leave it, get waxed or get a mirror out. FUN.
‘I wonder what “down there” looks like, and if it will ever look the same again’
Firstly, with your bump in the way, you lose actual sight of it anyway. Apparently, it is normal for it to change colour, shape AND size during pregnancy. THEN you have to deliver a baby. Safe to say I think it will probably resemble something out of one of the Saw movies. Beautiful.
‘I’m going to have to actually push a baby out of me – crap.’
No amount of ‘one born every minute’ is going to prepare you for it. It’s my first baby so of course I feel anxious, scared and a little bit lost. It’s normal. And hey, if you poop during labour, that’s pretty normal too. Good to know.
‘I’m going to have my own little human in a few weeks – SHIT’
Yep – it’s all going to become pretty real soon. All those 9 months and the struggles you go through – but it’s all worth it in the end.
Right guys – I hope this post gave you a little giggle and an insight into a pregnant woman’s mind. If you are pregnant atm – let me know if you have had any of the above thoughts! If you aren’t, I hope this post made you laugh and maybe feel a teeny bit sorry for us. Pregnancy is such an amazing, funny & scary experience, all at the same time – we’ve just gotta embrace it!
I am now off to get some breakfast and do some homeware shopping. Hope you all have a fabulous Saturday.